All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She tied me up with her honor cords...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize