my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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