Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
