I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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