I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize