shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
