the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
