so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize