Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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