How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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