i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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