Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
you never un-have a 4some
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
