just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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