This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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