i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
