Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize