just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
