Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
