Your tits are I can't wait for
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
