Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
