doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
