the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
