a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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