I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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