you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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