My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
