im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
