WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
