WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
