So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize