God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
