R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
