Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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