I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
