What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
