shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
