hotel room ftw
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
