our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The struggles of a small town man whore
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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