We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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