Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
