Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
