so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
4 words: hood of his car
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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