when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
