3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
