I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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