epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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