oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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