Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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