can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
