yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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