Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
