life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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