Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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