Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
