another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
