I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
