I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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