Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
