You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize