Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
