i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize