yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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