i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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