So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize