my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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