Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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