Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
