even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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