I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
