Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
