so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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