you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
